The World's Funniest Jokes

1. A doctor says to his patient, " I have bad news and worse news."

Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient.

The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live."

"That's terrible", said the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?"

The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."

2. A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

3. A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guy's is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind ma."

The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years." 

4. This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.

She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor!?"

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...?

5. Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.

The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"

The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."

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The Most Beautiful Wildlife Photography Pictures

Wildlife photography is regarded as one of the more challenging forms of photography. As well as needing sound technical skills, such as being able to expose correctly, wildlife photographers generally need good field craft skills. I believe that the images wildlife photographers capture play a key role in bringing awareness to the public. By stirring their emotions through our wildlife photography we have an opportunity to influence the level of support they provide to wildlife preservation.

Similarly, I assume a responsibility to learn from and educate other photographers, not only on wildlife conservation issues but as a means for us all raise the bar on the quality of our wildlife photography. In the early days of photography, it was almost impossible to get a photograph of wildlife, due to the long exposure time of Daguerreotypes, and wet-plate cameras.

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Pet Therapy For Seniors Living Alone

Studies show that having a pet is good for seniors as it makes seniors feel better physically, mentally and emotionally. This is the reason why pet therapy also known as animal-assisted therapy is becoming more and more popular today. Pet therapy treatment involves human and animal interaction. It utilizes trained animals to promote health and healing for patients, including seniors who are depressed, chronically ill and have disabilities. The pets used for Pet Therapy treatment provide affectionate and unconditional love to recovering patients, making it an excellent supplemental treatment.

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Animals Are The Humans Loyal Friends

Throughout history dogs have been known as guardians, protectors and most importantly Man's Best Friend. Dog was the servant/ soldier that guarded the tribe's abodes, protecting them from surprise attacks. His keen sense of smell and acute hearing alerted his master of dangers. He also assisted when hunting and provided warmth in winter. Loyalty is faithfulness or a devotion to a person, country, group, or cause. There are many aspects to loyalty. Animals as pets have a large sense of loyalty to humans which may be more human-to-human loyalty.

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Very Interesting Strange Facts

1. A 75 year old person will have slept about 23 years.

2. Octopus have three hearts.

3. Sharks can live up to 100 years.

4. Mosquitoes are more attracted to the color blue than any other.

5. Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does.

6. You blink over 20,000,000 times a year.

7. Women's heart beat faster than men's.

8. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies room during a dance.

9. Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, everytime you breathe.

10. You're born with 300 bones, but when you get to be an adult, you only have 206.

11. Koalas and humans are the only animals that have finger prints.

12. An eyeball weighs about 1 ounce.

13. Bamboo can grow up to 3 feet in 24 hours.

14. Most cats are left pawed.

15. A Blue Whale's tongue weighs more than an elephant.

16. You use 14 muscles to smile and 43 to frown. Keep Smiling!

17. The body has 2-3 million sweat glands.

18. One in 2,000,000,000 people will live to be 116 or old.

19. There are 200,000,000 insects for every one human.

20. Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day.

21. You can only smell 1/20th as well as a dog.

22. When snakes are born with 2 heads, they fight each other for food.

23. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

24. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

25. The world population of chickens is about equal to the number of people.

26. There are two Credit Cards for every person in the United States.

27. There are over 52.6 million dogs in the United States.

28. The Sanskrit word for "War" means "Desire for more cows."

29. The state of Florida is bigger than England.

30. The world's largest Montessori school is in India, with 26,312 students in 2002.

31. The first Ford cars had Dodge engines.

32. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

33. The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump.

34. Slugs have 4 noses.

35. Reindeer like to eat bananas.

36. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

37. Some toothpaste's contain antifreeze.

38. The average person laughs 15 times a day.

39. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

40. 315 entries in Webster's Dictionary will be misspelled.

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2011 Best News Pictures of the Year

Largest Saltwater Crocodile Found In Philippines

Giant Crocodile caught alive after a three-week hunt, an allegedly 6.4 meter long saltwater crocodile caught in the Philippines may be the largest crocodile yet captured, officials said in September. The 1,075-kilogram crocodile is suspected of attacking several people and killing two. The animal named Lolong, survived capture and was held in a temporary enclosure near Bunawan Township.

Federal wildlife officials are trying to confirm whether the reptile is the largest crocodile yet captured, Theresa Mundita Lim, of the Philippines Protected Areas and Wildlife Bureau, told the AP at the time.

Guinness World Records in September listed a 5.48 meter long, Australian saltwater crocodile caught as the largest in captivity. According to Zoologist Adam Britton, Guinness rules specify that Lolong will need to wait up to March 2012 for a shot at the "official" 

record.

Fire and Flood in Natori City in northern Japan

Houses burn amid flood waters on March 11 after a magnitude 8.9 earthquake off the coast of Japan triggered a powerful tsunami. This was the strongest earthquake in Japan in 14 years struck 81 miles off the coast of Sendai at 2:46 p.m. local time, the Los Angeles Times reported. A port city of about a million residents, Sendai was hit by tsunami waves up to 10 meters high. The earthquake and its aftershocks were felt as far away as Tokyo, about 250 miles from the epicenter.

Unforgettable Tsunami in Japan

A tsunami-tossed boat rests on top of a building amid a sea of debris in Otsuchi, lwate Prefecture, on March 14 days after a magnitude 8.9 earthquake struck off the northeastern coast of Japan, triggering a devastating tsunami.

The Japan earthquake and tsunami also led to a crisis at the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant, which leaked radioactive material into the surrounding region. The accident is now regarded as the largest nuclear disaster since the Chernobyl incident in 1986.

Web-Wrapped Trees

 Trees shrouded in ghostly cocoons line the edges of a submerged farm field in the Pakistani village of Sindh, where massive floods drove millions of spiders and possibly other insects into the trees to spin their webs. Beginning last July, unprecedented monsoons dropped nearly ten years worth of rainfall on Pakistan in one week, swelling the country's rivers. The water was slow to recede, creating vast pools of stagnant water across the countryside.

Underwater Sculpture Park in Cancun, Mexico

 More than 400 of the permanent sculptures were installed in late 2010 in the National Marine Park of Cancun, IsIa Mujeres, and Punta Nizuc as part of a major artwork called 'The Silent Evolution.' 

The installation is the first endeavor of a new underwater museum called MUSA, or Museo Subacuatico de Arte.

It was created by Mexico-based British sculptor Jason deCaires Taylor, the Caribbean installation is intended to eventually cover more than 4,520 square feet, which would make it "one of the largest  and most ambitious underwater attractions in the world," according to a museum statement. In doing so, Taylor hopes Mexico's natural reefs, which are already stressed by marine pollution, warming waters, over-fishing, can catch a break from the approximately 750,000 tourists who visit the area each year.

Mind Control Ants (Fungus)

A stalk of the new fungus species Ophiocordyceps camponoti-balzani grows out of a "Zombie" ant's head in a Brazilian rain forest. Originally thought to be a single species, very dangerous called Ophiocordyceps unilateralis, the fungus is actually four distinct species all of which can "mind control" ants, scientists announced in March.

The fungus can infect an ant, take over its brain, and then kill the insect once it moves to an ideal location for growing and spreading the fungus's spores.

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Clashes Continue In Syria Photos

A free Syrian Army commander gives
instructions as they prepare

A Syrian woman stands amid the rubble
of a house destroyed by Syrian artillery
early Monday in Azaz, on the outskirts
of Aleppo

An empty street is pictured in Salah al- Din
neighborhood following clashes between the
free Syrian Army fighters and Syrian Army
soldiers in central Aleppo on August 8, 2012

Civillians carry their belongings as they
flee clashes between the Syrian opposition
and forces loyal to President Bashar al-Assad
in Aleppo

Free Syrian Army fighters and civilians
clear rubble from a residential home
destroyed by the two missiles

In latest attacks in the country at least
47 people have been killed

Rebel free Syrian Army fighters drag a
man suspected of being a shabiha or
pro-regime militiamen on 31 July after
rebels overran a police station in Aleppo

Syria Crisis

Syrian firefighters extinguishing a fire at
the site of a car bomb that ripped through
Jaramana, a mainly Christian and Druze
suburb of Damascus, on 3 September

Syrian protesters facing off the security forces

Syrian rebels arrest a man who is claimed
to be traitor at an old military base in Sicco
village near Aleppo

Syrians stand in rubble after an airstrike
destroyed houses in the town of Azaz on
the outskirts of Aleppo in Syria

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